Tears Keep goin'

Tears are all I have...

Life is Weird. Why did Life Choose this for me? Why?

I know usually everything happens for a reason and it's usually trying to teach a lesson or something. But Fuck, It Hurts.

Why couldn't it have been a break up? why did it have to be this way? Why couldn't he tell me he's unhappy and we could have split without cheating, lying, and hurting.

My heart hurts. I used to think people were just dramatic saying that. and now I'm forced to feel this pain. 24-7

I'm forced to share my baby, I'm forced to keep on going even tho I feel like it's so hard.

I have knives sticking out of my back and heart and it's not fair.

So much confusion in my head about all of this. I'm an emotional wreak the majority of my recent days.

I drive and cry. For no reason, Just because of the pain I have.

I'm tired of tears, but it's the only way I have to get some kind of feeling out without exploding.

I miss m baby. I wish she was with me right now. I want to hug her and laugh with her and enjoy her. But I don't get to. Not today.

I'm trying to calm down my shit talking. I'm trying to make things right the best way I know how. I'm trying to accept the fact that no matter what I say or do, Mo and Lacie are going to be a couple. It hurts. but I can't do anything to change any of it. that kills me.

I never imaginged my life like this. I never imagined I'd ever have to feel the pain I do. and all I can do it cry. thats my one and only option. Crying.

I can't wait for the day I can wake up in the morning and feel ok, and I wish I knew how much longer I have to wait for that day. I wake up and the first thing I think about is My Emma. and thats hardest when she's not with me. Even tho it's a day or two that I have to go without her, it still just kills me. She is my little Girl. She is the one person in this world that I would give my life for. She's my happiness, Joy and Heart.

All the things I've had to go thru are just crazy. I frown upon the few people that have hurt me. I wish they could see my heart, and the fact thas its broken. and I wish they cared. But they don't.

I Never hought this would be me, I never thought this would happen. I never thought I could feel this way. I'm depressed, and it's the worst feeling I've ever had to deal with.

Tears are all I have to work with. Tears are my way out. I can only cry to feel better for the moment. But I have no Long term fix for any of this.

All I want is to be with Emma. I want her with me 24-7 and I'm not allowed that.

I love my Little Girl so much, more then I thought I could ever Love anyone.

The best thing that ever happened to me was Emma. She is the only thing right now that even makes my life worth living. She makes me smile and Happy. I need her.

I feel like a lost puppy dog... and I have no idea where to go or what to do to find my way to become happy again.

I want Emma so bad.... right now. She would make these tears stop, she would make me smile and feel whole.

I would never wish this situation on anyone. I would never want anyone to have to feel the way I do right now. It's not fair and No one should ever have to feel this pain caused by the person they loved for 3 years. Its like I've been hit by a train and didnt even see it coming. How did I not see it, How was I so blind. How do I give my full Heart and trust to someone who is capiable of this?

I'm Blind. I trust too much. and I care to much. I put myself in the position to be a door mat. and I got walked all over and thrown in the trash can.

I can't wait to Pick up Emma Tomorrow. and Hold her. and Love her.